hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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