apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
