...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
