omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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