I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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