i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
