you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
