Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
