my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
