I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
