You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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