i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is glitter all over my balls
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
