you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
