Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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