I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this hospital has no fireball
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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