Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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