dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
