His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
