If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
