I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
handjob tips. give me some.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my poor anus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
