She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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