New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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