Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
