is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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