ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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