I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
