Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
