on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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