My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
two words: eviction party
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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