I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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