My friends, they love my intelligence
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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