She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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