When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
