I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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