Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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