sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
