That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
