Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
