he confused my yawn for an orgasm
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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