Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
