Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
