I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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