She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
