So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
