I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
