I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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