I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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