my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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