You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
