the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You may now shotgun with the bride
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
