Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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