What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You made out with two different species that night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
