If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
