you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
