we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
